Relationships: View From Two Windows
Relationships are beyond me. In a world where almost anything or everything works like clockwork, and in a world where almost anything or everything has a technical manual, it is sometimes quite astonishing and also, sometimes, quite far-fetched that such a thing as valuable as a one on one liaison between two people has absolutely no note of quick guides or trouble-shooting. I am in no way looking at such relationships as motorized, pre-programmed contracts- rather; I see them as God’s ever loving and ever abundant gifts to humankind. But I’m just plain peeved that having bestowed upon the most intelligent beings on earth one of life’s greatest mysteries unraveled, He does not even think of something as fool proof or as practical as a User’s Guide.
What I am saying is really in no means a way to take it that relationships are universally parallel and comparable and similar. They are, I understand, completely exclusive and unique but in no means are they different from each other. When you break them up into several parts, you will notice that the basic framework of all such bonds is the same, universally. They consist of two members; there is one universal motive; and one end result.
This is the simplest part of the relationship and irritatingly enough, this is also the last part of the same-the part that you finally get to after you’ve abided by all rules and laws that exist to make such relations work. It peeves me, again to see that the simplest part of such bonds is in the end; and also to see that the end of such nerve wrecking trials is so simple. But for many people in healthy and success-bound relationships, a curtailed and curbed far-sightedness that sees no where farther than the end result that we are talking about is what helps make them through the ordeal. In other words, if you were to be in a relationship, and I know you are, you need to look beyond your present and imagine the outcome of the ordeal of your bond with your other half to really boost your hopes and confidences into acquiring the outcome or the end result of your hard work, relationship-wise.
And cocooning this base framework is another liberally networked blanket that is basically the same the world over, just sprinkled with minor shifts and changes to promote exclusivity. This layer consists of most things mundane and naïve as tolerance, resistance to change, pre-defined limits, red lines, and an in-built success meter- the more you stick to such a layout of pre-emptive and anticipatory moves, the higher the meter reading.
Most people by this depth begin to see beyond the seemingly myopic outlook of the layer in such a relationship not because they are far-sighted, but because of the fact that inside such a cocoon of less than stringent norms, one tends to become human. And you cannot be human in its literal sense when you are waltzing in your circle of bond. In such a state, you are either moving to the music of the maturity of your choices or you are dancing yourself through the panic of suddenly realizing that there is more life than you would have yourself believe in the world OUTSIDE the blanket of your liaison, and no matter how despondent you may feel then, you realize you still are abiding and despite your sleepless nights, your success meter is unfailing and devoted and it registers its constant reading. Well, at least so far it does. I guess this is by far the trickiest part of living hand in hand with somebody you were never born into. And nourishing, its act, is really quite weighty when you begin to move a little bit left or right of the literal sense of the word. Nourishing, in another sense of the word is slightly more impossible and implausible because each and every person alive learns from experiences day to day and automatically builds resistance and acknowledges lessons in the ever winding road of existence.
And having accomplished that feat, you are presented with yet another skeleton of the same relationship that you are in and this time it is really up to you to do your own garnishing. Welcome to yet another layer of clause and prerequisite. This envelope is really not skin deep and yet accounts for more than half of a million chances of making your relationship work.
In a world where life means getting by, and getting by means staying alive, you tend to stop at your tracks and for a while close your eyes to be able to see more clearly. And such sights and visions most of the time impart a sense of deficiency and inadequacy. In such a case, there are two states- inadequacies with regards your other half and deficiencies with regards yourself. For all of us in a commitment, when we think of deficiencies with regards ourselves, we are more than many a times presented with an opportunity to revamp and refurbish our inequity in terms of personal growth and maturity. But again, when we think of deficiencies in terms of our counterparts, then there’s a recipe for trouble. People, I have seen, have an unfathomable threshold for accepting themselves the way that they are when compared to accepting others the way that they are. And most of the time, when one is presented with such a plight, inadequacies in the other person arise only out of the realization that there are much better anthologies in people outside the dominion of intimate relationship that one holds with another person.
Going back to where we were, you are now presented with another skeleton of your bond with your counterpart, which you must garnish on your own, but to the likes of the other person. And the knowledge of such likes and dislikes arises out of sheer commitment and limitless adulation of the ways of the one you are with. So, in getting by this stratum of achievement, you sprinkle liberally different acts and exploits over your almost perfect and near mature relationship with the one you deem worthy of your attention and care. Such an act would mean the occasional dinner, romantic drives, unending walks, breakfast in bed, foot massage, trips, and the sorts. Now try and mount up as many such acts as you possibly can, write them down on a piece of paper and after having done that, you should see yourself perform such acts for the next thirty or forty or even fifty years of your lives together, all in the name of nurturing a bond that somehow seems sedentary and non-growing. Such indulgence really seems to make no sense when you are continually performing them with the same person day in and day out. To be able to truly understand the worth of such an extravagance, you need to perform it many times over to not just one person, but to many.
In the same context, such an act would mean so many different things to many people whereas they will undoubtedly mean the same thing over and over again to one person. And then, there is always the thrill of trying to figure out what is going to happen next when you are always randomly performing random acts of acknowledgement to random people.
And it is with such an outlook that I declare myself completely void of any knowledge whatsoever of the layer-filled circle of relationship. For somebody who is just like me; who thinks the way I do, the reason for such decadent patterns of thought and lifestyle is the constant need for near adrenaline filled bursts of going two or three footsteps with new people every time. The thought of freedom within a thin cloak of near relationship status and the autonomy of no commitments are the main reasons for many people staying the way that they are and doing what they do and loving it.
Now, if you are to look way beyond the sphere of commitment and people within that realm, you would really find it hard to believe that there are not just two kinds of people- the ones who are committed and the ones who are not. In fact, there are again, people who remain alone not because they somewhat silently despise commitments but because they don’t have the need for thrills and apart from their lean circle of friends, are really comfortable on their own. To them, the need for a counterpart arises only when the conversation goes that side of the fence. And upon returning back home, they lay back to the comfort of who they are and what they see in the mirror.
My existence lies on very thin lines that define relationship, bachelorhood, the thrill seeking joy-rider and the silent man who looks in the mirror and sees fine lines beneath his eyes. As I said so before, relationships are beyond me. They are so because somehow the thrill seeking joy-rider sometimes seems to accidently step into the small world of thought of the person looking in the mirror and tastes the serenity of the man in a solid relationship rummaging for pictures of years ago when he was just a child, trying hard to acknowledge the fact that now, he is just a man.
And it is in such attempts at life and before many countless choices in the long search for who I am and what I represent that I get lost in the greatness of something as singular and yet as diverse as life itself. And it is in the joy of being found, again and again, that I fail to understand the real meaning of living life in tandem, while at the same time living inside a hotel that has paper-thin walls, and the realization of the fact that something as unconcealed and blatant as love is beyond my control. And for that reason, and for reasons beyond my understanding of life and the outline of what companionship means, relationships will always be beyond me.
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